Amari Watergate Dinner

" Once you put your hands in the flame,

you will never be the same.

There's a certain satisfaction,

in a little bit of pain. "

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Ok, I won't change my blog, after some feedback from some of you.
I'll still stick to this one.
Maybe I'll change the skin.
Still looking around for something that catches my eye.
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The song that I am listening to now; constantly on replay on my ipod and computer. Especially chose this clip cos it comes with lyrics, rather than just the music video. Praise the lord for youtube. Take some time to listen to this if you can...

" I learn everytime I
bleed"

Particularly liked the words of the chorus too. ____________________________________________

Before I continue, I got to say this'll be a lengthy post... lotsa thoughts and stuff to throw out. Of different content.

Okie, back to this post's title. My company's having a staff retreat next month - 25th til 27th. To BKK!!! Hadn't been there in 4 years! Well, as part of the organising committee for the Friday dinner, HR has approved the idea to send the 6 of us as advance party - one day earlier ie on the 24th. So that we can have enough time to pack some door gifts, logistics coordination, programme rehearsal, etc. Thailand Tourism Board also provided us with some freebies including Thai dancers as part of the programme. Kinda cool huh? To save cost, we don't mind sharing rooms for that one day. Just please don't put us on budget flights *cross fingers*! After all, the original deal's either SQ or TG. I don't even mind waking up real early on 24th to catch the plane!

Our theme will revolve around some floating market idea, backdrop and decor likewise. It's gona be at the hotel's poolside so again *cross fingers* that it doesn't rain! The retreat coincides with Pru's 160th birthday so we came up with this lotus idea - for the staff to write their well-wishes, stick on the lotus and float it into the pool. With candles! Beautiful, isn't it? And then CEO can scope out some of them to be the winners for the lucky draw segment. The decor will look something like the two pictures below!!


We gona have a huge cake and fireworks too! Boy, it'll be a blast!! The fireworks will create the words:" Happy 160th birthday"... I didn't know fireworks can be so cool these days! Luckily my blog's private, else all these won't be a surprise any more! Kee Hee! Good new's that the hotel will sponsor the 20lb cake (topped with sparklers) as well as a fruit basket for each room. Apparently, they will carve every watermelon in the room to be like this. Wow! That's a lot of manual work hur.

Anyway, today we had a lunch meeting and LKP was going to bluetooth me the coka-cola song so our conversation goes like this:

Me: Eh, bluetooth me lei, I on my bluetooth now, I am 吴女
The rest: Har??!! 舞女??
Me: Aiya... 吴 as in my surname la, not bar girl!!! was deciding between 吴女 or 吴娘 last time
MN: Aiyo, 蔡依林 you don't want, you want to be bar girl
LKP: ok, I am 李白, i bluetooth you
The rest: Ahahahaha... 李白 look for 吴女...
LKP: Ok, connecting now
Me: Ok, I 接受 you

SO SILLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I have never done book reviews on my blog before. Read many many books in the past and came across some really good ones. I just finished this book so I shall start with this one. I bought it from Pearl - it's written by Cathy Glass. A true story of how she, as a foster carer, gave her utmost care to an eight year old. It's a deeply moving story. Deeply being the key word here. This story pulls at your heart, all her raw pain. And so young! How far can a personality be fractured, be torn before it becomes impossible to put back together again? " Cathy has fostered 50 kids over 20years but with none as disturbed as Jodie. She has 3 children of her own and their first impression of Jodie was that of Chunky, the horror doll in the movie. Jodie would be violent, kicking at people; other times she cut herself and sometimes she even smeared her own faeces all over the house. Sometimes she would shout at the other kids to "get out of my fucking house" or went into one of her split personality and screamed " go wash and cook, you bitch!"... All from an 8-year old. Jodie suffers from D.I.D. - Dissociative Identity Disorder; a rare and complex response to stress. The personality split into a number of different identities in order to cope. Often, one personality had no idea what the other is doing. Slowly, Cathy realised that Jodie is a victim of child pornography, from as young as 18 months. Jodie's parents not only participanted but were apparently ringleaders; bringing with them other friends and even Jodie's own grandparents. To Jodie, an adult only brings her pain, the men: performed sexual acts on her, and the women: watched and laughed the whole time. She thought that all these were normal, part of every other human being's life; not knowing that her world is the ugly twisted one."

A few issues in this story gripped me:

1. Jodie suffered from troubled nights, often plagued by nightmares and woke up early in the morning too. This is because she's on constant alert and unable to sleep much because her survival mechanism's always switched on.

2. Jodie shut herself to block out everything, including pain. This is to protect herself - if you can't see, hear or feel anything, you won't be hurt. She became less aware of things we took for granted, eg the wind in the air, the pleasant taste of food, etc. Jodie seemed to be insensitive to temperature, even when it's really cold, Cathy fought with her to stop wearing just a T-shirt and shorts.

3. Jodie was cold and unresponsive, with no desire to be liked. She had no interest to meet half way and content to remain in her far-off state, expressing herself through tantrums & violence. Human relationships's about give & take and mutual needs for affection/ approval. In Jodie's case, she had absolute no need for anything that the other party can offer, where then is the compromise?

4. Given a choice between playing with other children and watching the tv alone, Jodie'll always choose the latter. It's not as if she hated other kids, rather her history had taught her that the company of others brought pain & rejection; thus this lesson isolated her from the world.

Jodie had been vandalised and condemned to an endless punishment by the very people who should have cared for her the most. To know how Jodie is now, please read for yourself from this link here http://www.cathyglass.co.uk/damaged.html

I can't find Cathy Glass's other book titled "Hidden" in any S'pore book stores yet. I would love to read it. Usually, subsequent books written from the same author will not carry the same weight as their first one but in this case, I am just curious to know what else Cathy has in store for her readers.

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My temp staff left 2nd week of June. We two had gotten along better and better nearing the end of her stay with us and I grew fonder of her. I brought her to lunch as her farewell and so imagine my pleasure when she texted me the other day! It was a surprise to hear from her. All she did was to tell me that Mango's sale has started and that I should go check it out. She told me her school term's starting soon. I wished her well. Youth's such a wonderful thing. ____________________________________________

The other day, I had to get up 4 hours barely after I went to bed to attend my cousin's wedding in Malaysia. There was a bit of a jam at the checkpoint so reached around noon time. But of course, still in time for the lunch which usually start nearer to 1pm. I had a bit of time in between arriving at the restaurant and before the banquet started so I took a stroll outside the restaurant. Just opposite the restaurant's this whole row of semi-D.

I was amazed to know that probably the whole get-up cost around RM800k?? That's even less than the amount I am paying for my 5-room flat now!

See? Big car porch, big garden, big house, big space.......

I was real kaypoh. I spied one house having 3 cars parked on their driveway. One car plate number was 2777, the second car had the number, 7277 and the third one 7772. My instinct told me that there's probably a 4th car which the owner had driven out in. No prizes for guessing but my guess's that the 4th car had 7727 as carplate number. Won't you agree with me???

How Well do you know me?

Create your own Friend Test here

Awwwww.......

My previous post was barely a day old and the comments on it made me feel warm. I will try natural remedies. Rest and recover soon, my friends.

You know who you are.

And for those who dropped in and left me comments, I did read and get them even though sometimes I do not respond. Thank you for taking the time to read my ramblings.

You know who you are.

Some of you chose to sms me instead of typing your comments down on my blog. Thank you too for taking the road less travelled.

You know who you are.

Lastly, I am thinking to start a totally new blog, new skin, new everything. Of course, it will be private still. Just email me peganz@gmail.com and I will divulge my new blog address to you if you are my friend. What do you think?

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Rehearsal Video. Kinda blur and tiny to figure out which is me. Alright, me in the middle ok.

I.wonder.when.bonitas.can.dance.together.again.

And imagine the above movements in the below outfits.

Half way through a 100day Cough

The cough didn't really go away since 50 days ago. It seemed to be better for a while as instead of coughing day and night, I graduated to only coughing at night. And then I was stuck with coughing at night. It just refused to go away, even after 2 visits to the doctor with prescribed antibiotics on top of the cough mixture. How do I make it go away?? Apparently, I always sound like I am coughing my lungs out and some nights, my throat's so scratchy that I had to take really hot water to wash my throat and 'numb' the scratchiness so that I can avoid coughing fits and get back to sleep.

Oh, I am on my 3rd bottle now. I am so lazy to even measure out the amount on a spoon so I just estimate based on the markings on the bottle and drink straight from the bottle. 10ml each time. Two nights ago, I think I mis-measured the dosage. Instead of 10ml, I accidentally drank 20ml. And so I ended up slipping in and out of consciousness for the next 14 hours. Which was a pretty much scary experience. I don't feel rested at all, more like eyeshut 10sec, eyeopen 10sec, eyeshut 10sec,... you get the picture. I felt as if I was floating on clouds, very light and airy. And no matter how hard I want to open my eyes, I can't. And in between all these struggling, it felt like there were time lapses that I couldn't remember what went on. It's as if life just continued without me being there. Yet, obviously, I was there... or rather I am still here now. It's scary because I don't know when I will get up. If I would be able to get up.

I have to be more careful tonight when measuring out the dosage.
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Ceri is back!!! Hee!
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I experienced time lapses a few nights ago. Hadn't gotten so sloshed before, not since 5 years ago. I got myself pretty smashed that I am ashamed to say that I had a bit of a memory loss as to what had happened. Had bruises on right side, especially the arms and hips.

Awful feeling. Splitting headache. Laboured breathing.

Shouldn't have been.

After NOON

It's after noontime now, and I just got up. My mobile had 3 missed calls and 7 sms-es. Half of them were from office people; hmm, well... it goes to show how 'a lone worker' I am in the office that people don't know where I put my hardcopy files/ softcopy documents that they have to text or call me to check. Ha ha.

Well, finally the body caved in after the extreme stress the mind had gone through over the weekend til now. I lost my voice, no sound can escape my throat. Even if I try to whisper, I couldn't do so without feeling the pain in my throat. The cough doesn't help too, each cough just makes my throat more scratchy and uncomfortable. And so the solution comes in the form of a bottle of cough mixture from the doctor. If only there were non-drowsy medication.

Antibiotics didn't seem to help much... isn't it common knowledge that eating too much antibiotics is no good? Then why does the doctor dispense it so readily? People are very ready to dispense quick-fix solutions. Hungry but too busy? Grab a bite of fast food. Headache but rushing a project? Sure! Take 2 extra strong panadols. To me, antibiotics are like a band-aid, a quick fix! So that the physical self can get on to do what's neccessary to survive.

Didn't realise that it took me more than half an hour to type the above... Shocked!
Medication = slow mind = slow typing speed.
Well, time for another dose of medicine, I guess.
But before I go, let me share two random facts that I just learned:

1) A jiffy is an actual unit of time which is 1/100th of a second.

2) In Shakespearian times, mattresses were secured to bed frames using ropes. When you pulled the ropes, the mattresses will be tighter, making the beds firmer to sleep on. Therein comes the phrase:"Goodnight and sleep tight!"

Sleep tight later I will, course I will be pulling the ropes...

Finals

Closed door event.
Only much later did I realise each seat cost between $200 - $500.
Marriot Grand Ballroom.

As usual, I arrived with heavy makeup sans costume. When I got to backstage at 7.15pm, it was jammed packed! I think it's even smaller than the semis. I munch on some bread (again!) before getting into action. See what I mean?! Only one mirror shared among 16 contestants.


So it's better that we leave the room to them. I managed to find us a spot outside the door (which happens to be the waiting area by the way, before you go up on stage). The programme lineup:

• Bellydance Divas (That's us!!)
• Casual Wear
• Auction Fund Raising (Hampers)
• Swim Wear
• Singer Rima Melati
• Evening Wear
• Bellydance Divas
• Annoucement of Subsidiary title winners
• Announcement of Top 8
• Q&A
• Auction Fund Raising (Jewellery)
• Speech
• Annoucement of winner
• Thank you and Good Night

It started promptly at 8p.m. with our Opening dance. but our second segment only commenced like 2.5hours later?? So by the time we finished, changed out and were ushered to our table, it was like 11p.m??? It was a 8-course dinner so we had only 3 more to go. But the organisers did save us some food from the previous 5 dishes. Don't ask me what's the quality of the food as we were just so tired out from all the waiting backstage that we were so so grateful to be able to just SIT down comfortably. All I can say is shark's fin soup when cold is very very de yucky. I promptly downed a glass of coke, then another glass of wine, then another glass of coke... before I started eating.


By the time dessert arrives, it was close to 12?? The programme was progressing really slowly cos it's like only after the Top 8 Q&A session... which leaves the speech, the last parade of 2007 winner, the announcement of 2008 winner still NOT DONE. Anyway, I really liked some of those who got into the Top 8.


Okay, a little about backstage time.... backstage time was spent:

1) changing into our 2nd costume
2) touching up on makeup
3) running through a bit of choreo
4) warm-up routines so that muscles are more relaxed
5) chatting with some of the girls

The thing is when we were all backstage, you have no idea which girl will eventually win although I have my own favourites. So when it turned out that the one whom I talked to the most won, I was really happy for her. She's really a sweet lady, with her please-and-thank-yous not forgotten. To me, that's very important. Basic courtesy is really very very important, and I am glad that such a girl goes on to win the title and represent our country.

Usually, in between segment changes, the girls would all be in a flutter, trying to change as quickly as possible. Eg, one girl was changing outta of her one-piece swimwear into evening gown. And then she exclaimed:" I can't find my underwear...!!" Oops! And so she went into a flutter, frantically searching her bag and tossing stuff around on the floor.

And then another girl showed me the questions for the Q&A session. They won't know which question would they get; as it would be random pick later on stage. But at least they had the chance to prepare their answers for all 8 questions now. I only caught a glimpse of the last two questions - If you meet God, what would you ask him? and When was the last time you did something for the first time? She told me her intended answer to one of the questions and frankly, my eyes almost rolled back into my head and my heart went *Gasp!* for a minute. I refrained from voicing out my opinions and told her cordially that it's really up to you on how you want to frame your replies. Perhaps she's really young, 19 i think. I am a decade and a year older, and definitely wiser. But I didn't want to seem like I was imposing my own ideas on her... after all, this is her contest, I told myself. And so with very great restraint, I smiled and kept quiet.
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Last night, I woke up from a morbid dream and couldn't sleep for an hour after that. I really hate these type of dreams. In reality now, they seem so ridiculous and they are to be brushed aside without a thought. But the thing is, this is again, one of those dreams that left me in the cold. The content played a part, but the most nagging issue was that how the hell did I conjure up such a thing when I sleep?

The trio consists of two girls and one guy, guy shorter than the girls. Girls my ex-classmates, guy unknown but name known in the dream. As a result of them being rude in the office, they were to be punished... and the punishment being execution.

So I thought they would be hanged as all of them were lined up on the wooden platform with ropes tied around their bodies. I remembered wondering aloud why can ALs be rude yet not punished while office staff have to be punished.... and then the person beside me shushed me up. In case I get into trouble.

Back on the platform, all were ready. Suddenly, there was a heavy hammer-like thing swinging from behind the platform and without warning,, BANG!! It thumped into the first girl!!! She coughed and spluttered blood out from her mouth, gasping for breathe and looking like a ragged bloodied doll... It was really horrible! The same happened to the 2nd girl. When it's the boy's turn, because he was shorter, the hammer thumped him smack across his chest!! This instant blow proved to be a fatal one. So much blood was spewed on the floor directly in front of him...

I woke up after that scene.

The thing is in the dream, I knew that there would be another two more rounds for the girls. If they survive all the 3 rounds, their lives would be spared.

One other thought that stuck with me was this: the guy, being shorter, died first. So I can't help but think that me, also short, would be like him as well. First one to die on the platform.

Short people have shorter life spans in my dreams apparently.

My Webby!!!!

It's finally up!!!!! (except the gallery page)

Check it out!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.bellydance.sg

Tell me what you think? How How how?????
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Saw an article on BT:” Dispelling 10 money myths”. Amidst the you-cannot-lose-money-with high-grade-bonds/ bluechip stocks, you-can-time-the-market, I-am-too-young-for-life-insurance and A-shortage-of-land-in-S’pore-means-property-prices-cannot-fall, the one that jumped at me was: I-DO-NOT-KNOW-WHY-I-ALWAYS-OVERSPEND.

Author cited various reasons, for eg:
charge and charge – credit cards seen as real money
hopeless optimism – one expect that he/ she will earn more&/or earn back in the future so the spending starts now
laziness – instead of sourcing around for deals, one may pay too much. Suggested technique: Ask ” What is the lowest you can go?”
lack of patience – the need for instant gratification. What one fancy, one will want to have it immediately, even if affordability is an issue
Buying happiness – Marketing techniques ensures that a product is associated with happiness, result? One will be convinced that the purchase will make life better. This feeling is fleeting

The one that jumped at me this time was: BUYING-HAPPINESS.

The author apparently felt that to use something tangible (like money) to buy something intangible (like happiness) only gets you as far as the dollar can stretch you. This is because modern-days advertisements are very very effective. Just look around. Slimming ads featuring famous artistes of their before and after slimming. Only when you slim down, then you can be happy. Why? Because if you are fat, you are an outcast, you are unattractive, you are an ogre. Then again, why are there still so many slim people who are unhappy?

The same goes for car ads. With this model of car, road users will give you the awe look (even if your driving sucks), associate you with some atas lifestyle that you are leading and hell, doesn’t that just make you feel good? Doesn’t the feeling of having to work so hard to sustain this atas lifestyle that you had no time to really even drive your car feels good? Money can also buy you company and happiness. And so after that happiness, loneliness would follow again and so you find yourself repeating the cycle. Some can repeat this cycle forever in their lives without giving a true thought. To me, a human is never ever happy with what they got, meaning once you tasted level one happiness, you want level 2, level 3,… the appetite is insatiable. And so loneliness sets in as a natural defence system to help you bring down that appetite. Imagine you have level one happiness, then you would crave for level 2. But then guess what? In comes loneliness!! Loneliness helps you to understand that you should be glad there is even level 1 in the first place. It moderates your craving for more happiness so that the next time level 1 appears again, you will be equally grateful if not happier.

How wonderful life is, isn’t it??!! We have all these natural functions in built and hardwired into our system. Nobody fights them nor questions them.

BUT IF….
If happiness truly can be bought, is that such a bad thing? If there is a price to it and you can afford the price tag, is it so wrong to want to have that kind of bliss?

Kangoo

Read some of my recent posts and it struck me that they hinted of how low mood I was at some point in time. I know that the true meaning of living means that one must embrace the full spectrum of emotive: sweet, bitter, joy, anger, insane, pride, calm, bliss, nervous, real sad, fun. But I beg to differ, beg to be spared the drill of life and pray that some day, life can fast forward itself during times of low so that I can be at my high.

Don’t let me fool you when I say I am not hungry. Because I am always either eating proper meals; or snacking kit-kats or downing cakes or swallowing my milo. If I refuse snacking, it means something’s on my mind. If I totally didn’t eat, it means I am in depression. Even if I did lie and say that I had a very full breakfast. I did not. Because even with full breakfast/ lunch/ dinner, I would still eat when it comes to meal times. I was particularly taken aback when I read on someone’s blog of a 29-year old Australian newsreader. She is more than normal – beautiful, motivated, lovely fiancé, full of ambition. But she spent almost a third of her life (in the blogger’s words) “battling depression, hiding it from everyone she knew, seeing various doctors, trying new medications”.

And she jumped to her death last November.

On a day like today when I am calm, it shakes me and baffles me. It baffles me that she had loving people around her yet she decided on such a route. But I know there are some days that my thoughts are so skewed that I know the ‘her’ could have been me.

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Ok back to the kangoo topic.

never been on one before so a few weeks back, I was kinda thrilled to hop on one. CN detour us for lunch at Marina. So I took a shot of the other three at the back from my front seat. Cosy huh?

(Ok, I black out their faces cos I am not sure if they want to appear on my blog.)

After lunch, while on our way back to work, they became like this!!! Too much carbo makes many drowsy, I guess. Lucky never snore. Else, me and CN will really laugh our asses off the front seat.

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Recalled a conversation between me, Linda and Eddie over lunch a couple of weeks ago. Linda was complaining to us how unpro the school was in putting her 18mth old under the charge of a new teacher. Plus 18mth old's favourite girl was not in the same class so 18mth old became grouchy. Eddie then added that his 4yr old has a favourite girl in his class too. She is the cutest in the class and whenever she arrives, 4yr old will carry her bag and hold her hand to 'escort' her to her seat.

One day, another boy wanted to help fetch her bag too and 4yr old defended girl. The other boy almost picked a fight with 4yr old. I forgot the ending but Wow. Young kids have no concept of sharing at all; no sharing of toys, no sharing of their favourite friend and they show that in their actions/ face/ behaviour. Linda then commented that only young kids are like that. Eddie then corrected her:" No, its not just kids, but adults as well!! It's just that adults have become so good at masking our true intention."

INSTANT ENLIGHTENMENT!!!!!

And so I got to thinking about what he said after we went our own ways after lunch. The environment that we are brought up in moulded us to mask ourselves very often. CEOs of MNCs may actually be an introvert by nature. If given a choice, likely they would not have chose to give public speeches/ network/ walk the grounds, etc. But because their role require them to lead, to inspire and to motivate, what better way than to give an earth-shaking speech during annual corporate functions at the very least? And so they have learned to come out of their comfort zone in order to play out this role.

I would say this is a NATURAL PREFERENCE vs PERCEIVED IMAGE. To others, the perceived image would be confident, extrovert and outgoing. But who knows that truly the natural preference maybe an introvert and prefers to stay out of the lime light as much as possible? You can say that's because humans are really really very adaptable. But maybe the reason could be that we become so good at masking our true self... so good that we can present to the outside world what we think they want to see; instead of what we want them to see.

Don't believe?? Just look at 4yr old!!! Practise makes perfect.
Assuming legal age as 21... then most of us would have 17 years of practise on average. Day in day out. That's a lot of practise that we did, don't you think?

Semi-Finals

This post is a month overdue so....

The four of us were rushing like mad on that day. It's always very rushy when we get ready for shows. Don't ask me why. And I always call it our grrrrrrand ritual:

1) Wash face, tissue off, put moisturiser, pat face
2) Slap on stage make-up base
3) Fix up any skin tone imperfections
4) Dust loose powder
5) Brush MAC Dollymix blusher on cheekbones
6) Load on lots, lots, lots of eye colour
7) Paint on thick thick eyeliner
8) Stick on long falsie lashes plus curl them
9) Outline lips and fill up with colour/ gloss
10) Dot Glitter on the eyes

THE STEP THAT I SPENT THE MOST TIME ON: 3)
THE STEP THAT I OVERDO : 5)
THE STEP THAT IS MOST TRICKY : 8)
THE STEP THAT I LOVE MOST : 10)
THE STEP THAT I SOMETIMES FORGET : 9)

So by the time we rushed backstage, this was how we looked. Even when we WAR PAINT our faces with loads of stage makeup, the lights and the photos always make it seem like we never had any on.

I didn't dare snap too much pictures backstage as the MSU girls were all in various stages of undress... all getting ready for their swim wear segment. Spray spray the hair, adjust the crotch lines of costumes, touch up faces and *gasp!* if lord forbade them... nervous smiles!

I can totally, totally understand how jittery one can feel like to be one of the contestants. But then again, girls these days are braver and much bolder than my days. How I envy youth!! The things young folks, or rather, sweet young girls can get away with!!! I think I am at least 5 years older than the oldest contestant there.
Okay, we were rather hungry so we got ourselves some breadtalk to munch on. *Me and my applewurm as usual*. The thing is: we didn't count on the backstage being so squeezy with more than 20 contestants (not counting in their nannies, stage helpers, racks of costumes, bags strawn all over the floor, countless pairs of heels, etc). So while they were all busy prettying up, sucking in their tums and examining themselves critically in the mirror, the four of us looked like hungry giraffees. And that made me feel fat in comparison. So when I really truly opened up my eyes huge huge to survey round the room, it astonished me to find that they are really really thin!! Oh man!


We did a veil number for the opening... Cos of the T-shape runway, we had to space ourselves out. This is the first time I felt really scared of losing balance and falling off the stage as the runways were real narrow, particularly when executing veil turns. Well I am the one in red in the above pic, can't really see me cos was a back shot of me. .. but you get the idea. If anyone do fall off the stage, it will be right smack before the audience. *Shudder*

I know what you people are waiting to see.... PICTURES OF CONTESTANTS, BOOBS, SKIMPY WEAR HUH??!!!

So I won't disappoint y'all.....
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TA -DAH!!!!!!!
A lot of them are quite tall, and each of them has their endearing feature; or at least I find some of them have very pretty face shape, or striking features, or really long legs, or melt-your-heart smiles, or decent huge jugs. I guess the key is to find a rep who has got it all; or at least someone's closest to the you-got-it-all package.

I know most 'write off' our local pageant as something insignificant, bland at best and bimbo at worst... even most guys feel that our girls are not up to mark, not tall enough, not enough poise/ grace to compete internationally or no boobs/ butts to shout about. But the fact remains that these are brave girls. Knowing full well the stigma of pageants in the Asian context, and knowing how hard it is to shake off that notion that a Singapore contestant would never measure up to the Indian beauty or exotic Latino when up on the international stage.

But the fact remains that at least they were strong enough to fark care what the rest of us think. Sometimes, instead of bitching about the lack-of in such pageants, ain't we even ashamed of why we are not supportive of our own girls?

Which is why I have nothing but respect for them. I respect that they can look you in the eye and taunt you with a "so-what-you-think-I-am-shit" look. To those that I have met backstage, thank you for proving to me that you are not as bitchy as you look and that you are also a human with your own beliefs.

No Religion

My uncle has passed on. So I will be making a trip back this weekend for the funeral.

The constant in life is that there is life,
and there is death.

Frail as he was in his last days, there was still life in him. His eyelids fluttered whenever he slipped in and out of consciousness every 5 minutes, his chest heaved up and down with each breathe he took, his bony hands gripped the window grills occasionally.

And then there's nothing. Just like that. Like a slow motion black and white movie, it just all stops. The audience will be holding their breathes waiting and waiting, until the passage of time signals no more motion after the last motion. And that's the end.

For people with religion, this end is the beginning of another journey. In another world. The other world that nobody alive would ever get to experience... yet. Nonetheless, the belief in this other world is amazing to free thinkers like me. At times like this, I wonder if I should go 'believe' in one belief in order to make sense of it all.

Do people just stop when your life left your physical body? Stop feeling, no more feeling of happiness, pain; no more seeing of the skies, the oceans; no more eating, drinking.

So it would be just like a cup. A cup doesn't need to feel nor to see nor to digest food. We will all become cups sooner or later.

Repeat after me. We Are Cups.

Again!! WE ARE CUPS.