I had no idea what has gotten into me these days. I woke up from a nightmare with puffy eyes this morning - I dreamt that me and Wilson had a divorce. I was up and about, way before my alarm goes off... so early that I even had time to close the door after Wilson left for work. Normally I am still sleeping even after he left for work. After I closed the door after him, I wandered around the whole house aimlessly, knowing that I should get ready for work but unable to because I am vacant and hollow inside. I poured myself a cup of water and sat down on the kitchen chair and stared at the cabinets. Nothing registered in my brains except fear. Fear from the nightmare. I knew I'll spend half the day thinking about it and the other half trying to forget it... that's what I hate about bad dreams!! Whole day wasted with silly thoughts haunting my mind.
On my way to work, I pondered the issue of faith. Faith as in confidence in how I do things; faith as in my trust in all the relationships that I have in my life right now - friends & family included; and faith as in religion. The search for a greater power greater than ourselves; greater than all the universe combined is still very much alive in my opinion. I have no religion but that does not mean I do not have faith. The Koran, Bible, Taoism - all of them speak of the same code of conduct and warrant similar punishments. They all say that if I do not carry my life as dictated, I will never be in heaven afterlife, I will be condemned to hell for eternal torture and misery. I cannot imagine a God who rules in this manner. More often than not, people turn to religion during very desperate moments - times of financial difficulties, political turmoil, natural disasters. We are all seeking for truth, that indeed there is divine intervention, that indeed this greater power created us. For that we are grateful, for life has a meaning.
2 comments:
Gene , I think you have the wrong perseption toward the might God. Yes, most people turn to god only when they are in trouble. Thats also the reason why people will not get the peacefulness in them if they kept doing that.
I know how you feel , cause I have been through a lot. I am not very sure what your problems are may be next time you would like to talk and maybe I can help or give u some advise. But the only way to have a peaceful and joyful life it all came from God. And keep in mind there isnt a single problem that can not be solve. Especially problems that we ourself created it.
Sincirely Dicky.
Dear silly girl...
Also a joy to read your blog...am glad that you will be ushering a new year with renewed bond with your hubby wilson!
Cheers,
Karen
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